


What We Let Define Us

by idontwanttheworld-iwantmalec (GoodFinderBadger)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Starvation, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:09:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodFinderBadger/pseuds/idontwanttheworld-iwantmalec
Summary: Tony thought that being sent to boarding school was going to ruin his life... little did he know it would save it.  He met Steve Rogers on the first day of school and it would be the start of a friendship that would last through all of time and develop into something unrecognizeable.  Nine years later after they meet Tony goes through one of the worst times of his life and relies on Steve to help him through it.  Will Tony be able to ever tell Steve his real feelings or will he stay behind their comfortable wall of friendship?
Relationships: Edwin Jarvis & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Maria Stark & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is so AU you will either love it or hate it. There is a jump from past to present, but all chapters will be marked. Timelines probably are woefully inaccurate but I tried. The second chapter is really rough, but that's the last of the really angsty stuff and the rest is recovery from there. Hope you guys bear with me and grow to love it. Updates will come but might be slow bc I have ten million WIPs to work on but this one just couldn't be let go and buried in cancelled ideas. 
> 
> Happy Reading

August 1986 ten years old

Tony woke far too early, when the sun was barely rising over the hills he loved to look at out his bedroom window. He was silent as Jarvis made sure he was awake and his last few things were packed away that he would need. The house was an eerie kind of silent as Tony fidgeted in the foyer.. It might not be the warmest place, but it was the only home he had ever known. His parents were home, but Tony had seen no sign of them yet this morning. Jarvis had made him some oatmeal, and even though he normally whined about it, he found he was too sad about missing the butler’s absent humming to really mind what he was eating. 

Now, he was waiting for Jarvis to come down with his bags, and they would be off to this school that Tony already hated without reason. HIs sharp hazel eyes landed on things he had never given much thought to before. His mother’s decorations he had always found boring and stuffy suddenly became fascinating, as well as the pictures donning the walls of their family and his parents. His mother was fond of red, and it showed in the accents his father allowed around their sitting room. The gleaming piano stood in the corner, and Tony would gladly sit at that thing six hours a day rather than have to do this. 

A soft bump of his suitcase hitting the wall made his gaze snap to where Jarvis was slowly coming down the stairs with his parents trailing behind, both dressed and ready for the day even though the first rays of morning had barely started streaming through the window. Jarvis nodded to him, not allowed to show open affection in front of his father as they both learned long ago. His father crossed his arms and gazed at him for a long moment. Tony felt his stomach twist, and he tried not to remember the rage from yesterday or the way those hands moved so fast in anger. 

“I expect you to uphold this family’s name at school,” his father said sternly while glaring down at him. Tony nodded and murmured his affirmative while trying to avoid those steely grey orbs. He struggled not to fidget under his stern stare, knowing that would gain another lecture. “That means showing respect at all times and not getting into trouble. You are the heir of Stark Industries, and I expect you to remember that. The legacy will soon rest on your shoulders Anthony, and while so far you aren’t my first choice, you are all there is. You will write home once a week to us and give us an update on your grades and your activities.”

“Yes, sir,” Tony said softly, staring at his father’s chest rather than his face. A thick silence fell after the lecture, and finally his mother broke down and hugged him fiercely. Tony clung back to her tightly and felt the fear hit him like a bowling ball all over again. He scrunched up his face, but this time there was no stopping the tears aching to fall He let out tiny sobs as his mother rubbed his back gently.

“I don’t want to go, Mama.” He pleaded with her the way he had wanted to yesterday, before he had been dismissed to his room. “Please let me stay here! I’ll practice piano as much as you want, and I won’t complain! I want to st-stay with you.” 

“You’re going to do so well, sweetheart,” his mother whispered against his hair as she rocked him gently. “It’s going to be hard, but never forget how much I love you, bambino.”

“Mama,” Tony sobbed as she let go, looking as if it pained her greatly. 

“Maria, will you quit with the dramatics? He is a young man, and staying here with you won’t let him grow up. He will be just fine.” Tony couldn’t help but glare at his father as he made his mother let go and step back next to him dutifully. Tears still fell down his face, and his father frowned upon seeing them. Tony quickly ducked his head, but this time, the sobs wouldn’t stop on command as Jarvis opened the front door and their driver dutifully took his belongings to the black car waiting out front. 

“Come along, young sir,” Jarvis said quietly. Tony shrugged off his hand as he hunched in on himself miserably. His heart was racing, and he knew somehow that stepping out that door was the worst idea in the world. He hated that Jarvis had to act so cold in a moment when his life was falling apart. He hated his father more than he ever had before in his young life. He hated his mother for never being strong enough to stand up for him.

Jarvis grabbed his upper arm, and something in Tony seemed to shatter altogether. The sobs grew double in volume as he struggled against his mentor. “No! I’m not going to some stupid school! I’m not going!”

“Tony, you’re making things worse for yourself,” Jarvis hissed to him pleadingly as he tried to tug him along. 

“You are being completely ridiculous,” his father snapped, and suddenly much larger hands had hold of both his upper arms. In an instant, he was inches from his father’s face. Tony trembled in fear now and knew he had pushed things too far as Jarvis had warned. “You will stop acting so foolishly. Once again, you prove yourself to be an ungrateful brat in the face of great opportunity. This school is one of the best on the east coast, and you’re lucky I’m not sending you across the world at this point.”

“I hate you,” Tony sobbed brokenly as he twisted to get away. A hand came across his face even harder than it had last night. The shock never lessened when his father struck him, and he collapsed to the floor the minute those hands loosened their grip. 

“Howard,” his mother said softly, knowing better than to rush to his side by now. 

“Maria, say goodbye to your son. We have places to be.” His father didn’t move, and Tony’s head was pounding from crying so much, and his nose was running uncontrollably. His mother’s soft hand in his hair was the last interaction he had with her as he saw her disappear back into the kitchen. This time, he took Jarvis’s hand when it was offered and silently went out to the car, cheek stinging and reminding him how little choice he really had. The privacy screen went up the moment after Jarvis softly told the driver the name of the school, and they pulled away from his home. 

“I’m s-sorry,” Tony stuttered quietly once his tears stopped, and he had sheepishly used Jarvis’s handkerchief to blow his nose and wipe his face clean. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble, Jarvis.”

“Oh, Tony.” Jarvis knew now his touch would be welcomed, and he didn’t hesitate with an arm around him to pull him close. Tony hesitated for only a moment before snuggling into the butler’s side and burying the side of his face that wasn’t aching in the fabric of his jacket. He closed his eyes and tried to find some relief for his headache. “You have nothing to apologize for. It’s alright to be upset. I’m not upset with you in the slightest.”

“Father is,” Tony said softly, the motion of the car making him tired. 

“I know you don’t want to go,” Jarvis rubbed his arm in comfort as they pulled onto the highway. “This might make things better with your father. Your relationship might improve with some distance between the two of you.”

“I don’t get why he has to send me away to love me,” Tony said petulantly

~~~~

The buildings were all a matching grey with white trimmings and exactly the kind of place Tony could see his father being in. It was respectable and stuffy and the places that Tony always hated. At least there were plenty of people milling about and moving their belongings in. Tony couldn't deny he was nervous and butterflies were thrashing around in his stomach enthusiastically. Jarvis took his bags and instructed the driver to wait while he got Tony settled in. He must already have his schedule and room assignment. Jarvis didn't seem lost in the slightest as he gently led Tony with a hand on his shoulder through the throngs of students and parents chatting happily. Tony had been an isolated boy all of his life until this moment. He had had tutors for everything his parents had wanted him to learn, except piano which his mother had taught him herself on quiet afternoons with soft rays of sun falling over them. 

They came to one of the smaller buildings in the corner of this huge campus and went up to the third and top floor to the last room on the right. Tony's name sat on the nameplate to the left of the door in some nondescript font and he got the impression that here he was no more important than any of the hundreds of boys here. He lingered behind Jarvis nervously as the older man got the key into the door and giving a light knock before opening it wide. A boy and his parents were already inside and this must be Steven, the other name plastered below Tony's. He had his father's dirty blonde hair and his mother's bright blue eyes were the first two things Tony put together. They looked as if they belonged together, the three of them. Steve's father was perched on his desk chair with his arms resting across the back of it. The woman that Tony assumed was his mother sat next to him on the bed stroking his hair gently. He didn't look too thrilled to be here either so at least he wasn't alone. 

Jarvis was busy dismantling the bedsheets and putting on the ones they had brought from home. His father never did have trouble throwing money at absolutely everything. He had bought Tony a customized desk with a high end chair along with a top of the line computer to put on top of it. He also had new sheets and a custom mattress for the lofted bed. Tony realized that his mentor was gone with his Butler again present. Jarvis needed to keep up appearances on the off chance these people had any association with Stark Industries. 

“You must be Tony, “ The woman said after a few moments of surprised silence. The man had rolled his eyes when his things had been brought in and Tony's stomach twisted uncomfortably. 

“I thought maybe it was a different Stark, “ The man muttered softly as his wife stood and took a few steps closer to where Tony leaned against the wall, absolutely overwhelmed. 

“I’m Steve’s mom, and we’re glad to meet you before we have to head back. Steve is such a good boy,” She looked back at her son fondly and it made Tony’s heart ache when he clearly recalled his mother’s hand clutching onto the back of his shirt. A lump rose and he shuffled his feet a bit until he was back in control again. 

“Well, I guess we’ll let you boys settle in,” Steve’s father stood and Tony saw the mistrust directed at him without a word being said. He glanced toward Jarvis and wished he could just drop this professional persona for one minute. 

Steve was crying softly as his mother kissed him goodbye and his father ruffled his hair before hugging him tightly. Tony had to wonder why the hell this kid was here when his parents actually loved and wanted him. He was the reject nobody seemed to want besides his old butler, and that was probably only to avoid dying from boredom in that house. He plopped down on the plush leather chair and instinctively hated it since it screamed his father’s taste all over it. He scuffed his shoe and tried to ignore Steve crawling up onto his bed and staring at the ceiling. He had no idea what he was going to do sharing a room with this boy who obviously could never understand where he came from. 

“Tony,” Jarvis’s soft voice broke his thoughts and with a sinking feeling he realized all the tasks had run out and now it was truly the time to say goodbye. His heart felt as if it stopped beating completely as he stared up at Jarvis in terror. It was one thing to leave his sweet mother, and a relatively easy thing to leave the father that never wanted him to start with, but it was an impossible thing to leave Jarvis. He hadn’t been without him one day of his life, even when Jarvis had the flu he showed up to work and they normally hid away to watch movies as much as possible. Jarvis taught him to read, and showed him the wonders in the discovery of science that filled his mind on the long days of tutors that he hated. Jarvis was the one that got him through awful colds that seemed to last years. He would play with Tony outside when nobody was home and he found himself restless. He taught Tony how to skip rocks and how to control his temper he had gotten from his father. 

Jarvis was everything, before Tony could really comprehend what everything meant. 

Steve sat up to gaze down at them, seeming to sense something was going on. Tony was shaking and wouldn’t look back into Jarvis’s kind brown eyes for fear of breaking down worse than before. The last twenty four hours had been so focused on leaving his house and his parents and everything else he had ever known. He had thought about missing his mother’s decorations more than about the fact that he would now have to live without Jarvis. 

“Do you two want the room?” Steve asked politely, and his tenor voice was so soft and nearly musical. Tony finally lifted his eyes to look at his roommate a bit more closely. He was taller than Tony by a few inches and his limbs were much more lanky than his own. He was dressed in a plaid button-down and jeans that Tony knew his mother would never let him own. He moved with grace as he climbed down to softly land on the wooden floors. The tears Tony had seen briefly were already gone and no traces of sadness was left. Maybe the other boy had had more time to adjust to a whole new life.

Or maybe Tony really was just weak like his father always said. 

“Just for a few moments, please,” Jarvis replied where Tony could not, giving that polite smile Tony knew by heart. It wasn’t the one he wore for only Tony, but it was a close second. Steve nodded and gave him a concerned glance before stepping out the door. 

The lump wasn’t fading at all as Tony stared at his shoes, and he was irrationally afraid of choking on it. He couldn’t do this. It was too much to ask. He would throw anything away, but Jarvis was invaluable. 

The butler was busy explaining where he had put all he would need and walked him through how to turn on the computer since it was different than the one they had at home. Silence fell eventually when Jarvis ran out of things to ramble about and Tony still couldn’t take his eyes off the floor. 

“Okay, kiddo,” Jarvis said softly and panic gripped Tony for the third time in twenty-four hours but this wave was by far the strongest. He was used to his father being absent and his mother only showing affection when given permission, but Jarvis wasn’t the same as all of that. Sure, there were plenty of times when Jarvis could be nothing more than a butler, but he made sure to shoot Tony a smile or give him a wink to show he was always on his young charge’s side. “Tony, can you look at me please?”

Tony could never disobey Jarvis no matter what he felt or thought on the matter. His head moved of its own accord to lift enough so Jarvis could catch his eyes. He opened his mouth to beg, or plead, or even to say a simple goodbye, but nothing would leave his throat that still felt like he had swallowed an apple whole. Jarvis tugged him to his feet, only to take his place in the large leather chair and Tony didn’t hesitate to climb into his lap. He hadn’t done this in quite a long time now, but he couldn’t think of holding back when he was about to have to say goodbye for months. 

Warm arms came around him and Tony placed his head against Jarvis’s chest, hearing his heart beating slightly faster than what he was used to. He fisted a shirt loosely in the soft cotton and closed his eyes when a whimper left his clenched lips. He knew they didn’t have long for this goodbye and his stupid roommate would be back far too soon. 

“You’ll be okay kiddo, I promise,” Jarvis whispered to him softly, lips brushing his forehead. “I know right now it doesn’t feel like that, but it’s true. You’re going to make me so proud, make the whole world proud. You are a brilliant boy, Tony.”

“D-don’t-” Tony choked out, unable to form words at this point. “I- Jarvis, I-”

“I love you Tony,” Jarvis said so only he could hear. “I love you so much, alright?”

“When will I see you?” Tony finally got the courage to ask, heart hollow and aching. 

“I expect at Christmas,” Jarvis said a bit sadly, a hand stroking through his hair and down his back. “Time is going to fly by for you here.”

“You’re gonna be all alone,” Tony mumbled, the thought making him nearly as sad as being without the man here. 

“Don’t worry your head about me, sweet boy,” Jarvis told him with a tight squeeze. He went to stand up and Tony’s knees were too weak to let him stand. 

“Don’t leave, Jarvis, please,” Tony begged from the floor. Jarvis didn’t hesitate to lift him to his feet and brush him off. 

“Don’t do this to the both of us,” Jarvis instructed him, a hand softly cupping his cheek. “You need to be a good boy until Christmas and I have to go take care of your dear old dad. If I can find an excuse to visit you know I will. Perhaps on a Sunday your father doesn’t require my assistance.” 

“Bye Jarvis,” Tony whispered, heart aching fiercely and eyes stinging with no tears to shed. 

“Goodbye Tony,” Jarvis said softly with one last kiss to his head. “Be good and stay strong, alright? Focus on the day in front of you.” 

The door clicked closed behind Jarvis and Tony had never felt this lonely before. He couldn’t help but to feel like things were never going to be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rough chapter and Tony goes through some hell. 
> 
> This is my first real attempt at this kind of whump and it's heavy. If I suck at it I'm sorry, please forgive me I tried. So now we have modern day Steve to contrast childhood and obviously a ton happens between now and then. Please leave me comments if you can because this fic I'm super insecure about for some reason that I can't explain. 
> 
> Happy Reading

1995 Nineteen years old

The door slammed against the plastered wall and woke Tony from unconciousness to see Rhodey rolling his eyes at him and throwing a shirt in his direction. He flopped back against the throw pillows and tucked his face against the back cushions of the couch. 

“You act like this is some class you are thinking about skipping,” Rhodey’s voice echoed in his head as loud as fireworks. Why did he consistently think being hungover wasn’t so bad?

“Today isn’t actually a requirement of anything,” Tony said against the cushions as he blindly tried to find another pillow to smother himself with temporarily. 

“Is Steve showing up today?” The name of his best friend made Tony sit up far too quickly and curse at the rush of blood to his head. His heart flipped and his hand jumped to ruffle the back of his hair.

“Why the fuck would you ask that at…” Tony trailed off to fumble and turn his phone on. “Nine in the morning? Rhodey, that’s not nice.”

“I have coffee if you come over to me,” Rhodey’s taunting voice came from the kitchen they had shared for years. This was the last morning waking up here. He was going to have to move back home tonight, and god these thoughts were too much for being this hungover. 

“Steve is still in Haiti as far as I know,” Tony grumbled as he took the offered mug. “Not that I’m all too sure he’ll want to talk to me after he gets back. I wasn’t exactly myself when he left.”

“You were probably more yourself than you will be any time today,” Rhodey sipped his coffee and looked disgustingly put together. “We have to be there in half an hour for a run through before commencement.”

“Fuck me,” Tony groaned and gulped the rest of his glass in one go. “I’m not even packed to move out.”

“DId it last night while you were passed out,” Rhodey answered with a shake of his head. “You want to tell me why you were drunk off your ass last night? Drinking alone in our apartment isn’t exactly your style. You couldn’t find a party to crash?”

“I didn’t want to be party Tony last night,” Tony grumbled as he tried to find the outift his mother had sent him for graduation. “I just…. I needed to drink and not talk.”

“Graduation is supposed to be the best time of our lives. We’re done with school. We survived four years at one of the best schools in the country. We get to go do what we’ve worked toward all this time. I know we both have doubted ever getting to this point more than once.”

Tony darted into the shower and let himself enjoy the hot water for a few seconds before scrubbing his body as fast as he could. “Except when graduation only means being doomed to moving back home and working for a man you’ve barely spoken to in nine years.”

“Maybe you two can get along better now that you’re on a more even playing field.” Rhodey suggested from where he leaned on the doorway to the bathroom. It eerily sounded like what Jarvis had told him nine years ago when he had been sent off to a school hours away from home. That absence would make his father more fond of him. Ironically Rhodey thought proximity might do the trick this time. When would they ever learn? “You’ve earned his respect Tony. You’re nineteen and while most guys are finishing freshman year you’re graduating from MIT.”

“I won’t speak to him until he learns to be a decent father,” Tony spat spitefully and cursed as he nearly fell out of the shower. “Graduating is just a sentence to a future I’ve tried to avoid for nineteen years.” He snatched up his button down shirt and did it up quickly before shimmying into the slacks. He had had way too much practice getting dressed while hungover honestly. “All I’m looking forward to is the party tonight. Where I will get blackout drunk again before Stark Industries boot camp begins.” He rolled his eyes at the thought and then apparently lost the filter from his brain to his mouth. Then the conversation rolled back to Steve yet again since it seemed like the past nine years tied to him in some way or another. “God, if it wasn’t for Steve I might not even hate Howard so much. He just had to take me home and show me his family and how fucked up mine is. Then he goes and is in fucking Haiti-”

“Okay Tones,” Rhodey’s large, gentle hands replaced his own that were trying to apparently strangle him with a tie. He carefully undid the tie and started over much more slowly. “Take a deep breath, alright? Try to just appreciate that you’re here with me and we made it together through so much. I’m proud of you, and I hope my opinion means more than Howard’s.” 

“I wish he was here,” Tony said and quickly had to look away from Rhodey and fiddle with the buttons at his wrist. Some might have thought he meant his father, but he only ever meant Steve. Rhodey had gotten Steve on his mind and now it was all he could think about. Even after being gone for over a year Tony was as gone for him as ever. They both knew who he would always miss as long as he wasn’t in the same city. “That’s so fucking stupid, isn’t it? I haven’t sent him one letter since he left and then I go and miss him. I am really no better than-”

“If you finish that sentence with Howard I will give you a black eye,” Rhodey threatened with a squeeze to his shoulder. “Just come with me to graduation and take it from there.”

“Let’s eat, drink, and be merry,” Tony muttered as he followed his best friend back to the kitchen in record time. “For tomorrow we die.”

The ceremony was long and drawn out in Tony’s opinion. Didn’t they know that nobody was going to remember a word of this in five years? Rhodey kept rolling his eyes when he fidgeted, but what else could he do? Somehow he felt his father’s gaze through the crowd of people and that was enough to make his skin crawl. Howard had come, and he hadn’t even brought Jarvis with them. Tony was so sick and tired of the man who truly raised him missing every damn thing in his life. His storytelling abilities were second to none, but just once Tony would like Jarvis to experience something with him. To be where he rightfully belonged after helping to keep him alive and sane for nearly two decades now. He put up with his panicked phone calls and tears and anger and calming him down after every fight with Howard. He was the one Tony had called for weeks before meeting Rhodey, scared and alone in a world too big for him. Once again being sent away against his will for the second time in his life. Jarvis stayed up with him to study for finals or midterms when he had a mountain of work the next day. 

He tried to focus on the words of the speakers to avoid his anger growing, but by the time his name was called to receive his diploma he could barely muster up a convincing smile for the camera. 

He had to go get his things from his apartment and take them home before Rhodey would pick him up for the party tonight. It was his last night to act like a stupid frat boy, and Tony planned on basking in each and every moment. He slowly walked through the musty hallway that he had slept in more than once over the last two years. He put his key in the lock for the last time and slammed his hand against the wood to get it to cooperate. The door swung open and an ache went through him at the empty rooms and blank walls that greeted him. It reminded him of when he had dubiously moved in here with Rhodey two years ago in August heat and after his father threatening to pull him from MIT when he mentioned being close to Rhodey. He had never confirmed to his father his feelings for Steve Rogers, but nobody really had to confirm things like that. He had stormed out and accepted Rhodey’s offer on a whim to share an apartment together. Tony had been convinced that it had been nothing more than a pity offer to the only kid in college to have no real friends. Nobody wanted to be friends with a kid that wasn’t even a legal adult yet. 

Now Rhodey was a brother to him and they had finished school together and it looked like Tony had no choice but to say goodbye to this home and go back to a place that felt like a prison until Steve came back...or, something like that. He had no idea why he couldn’t let go of Steve already. He was not doing anything about his feelings for Steve, besides their desperate kiss that tasted of both their tears in the airport. He shivered at the memory and sat down next to the pile of boxes. That kiss he had truly thought would be one to change his life. He knew he had expected Steve to set down his duffle and never leave him after a kiss like that. He could still feel the heat of his large hands on his lower back and the stubble under his desperate fingers as he memorized every part of Steve he could think of. It had been more passionate than anything Tony had ever dreamed about or seen in some movie. 

Unlike the movies the kiss hadn’t stopped Steve from leaving.

He heard the sound of a car pulling up outside and Tony frowned as he glanced at his watch. Rhodey was awfully early to be picking him up for this party. He had been sitting here a little while, but it was still two hours before the time they had agreed on. Maybe Rhodey was just concerned about him since it wasn’t really a secret today was hard for him. Rhodey always got a tad protective when he found out Tony had been drinking to escape...again. 

A loud knock came to the door that resonated more than usual now that the apartment was early. He sighed and shook away ghosts of memories that were probably unhealthy to visit. 

“I’m coming Mom,” Tony mocked with a fond roll of his eyes. He piled three boxes in his arms and was about to try to juggle the knob on top of everything else when the door swung out and fresh air hit him. “Thanks Rhodes. You really don’t need to worry about me. I’m bitter at Howard, but I’ve accepted long ago that Stark Industries is my only real choice. I still have you, and one day Steve will get his ass back to the states and it will work out or something, y’know?” He paused when he didn’t hear Rhodey anywhere around him and was surprised his friend hadn’t already taken a box from his heavy load. “Rhodes?”

He barely registered the arms grabbing him and a cloth shoved over his mouth and nose before he was out cold. 

When Tony woke again he was on the floor of a room he couldn’t recognize. He shivered as he slowly realized he was absolutely freezing. A few more blinks revealed the room was some unfinished basement and the floor was cement. He moved a hand up to rub his face and a faint clink of metal when he moved his legs alarmed him slightly. He sat up a bit and felt his breathing stutter when he realized he was naked as well as chained to a pipe. There was a heavy shock collar around his neck and the fear hti him like a tsunami wave once his brain could comprehend the entire situation. 

A door opened with a smack against the wall and Tony was amazed at how quickly tears came to his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had let himself cry, but this situation was a bit out of the range of normal. He used his hands to help himself sit up, though he had to close his eyes against a wave of vertigo crashing over him. A hand was in his hair and tilting his head back before he could hope to get his thoughts together. A man with spiky blonde hair grinned down at him with far too much delight in his eyes. He smelled of a musky cologne and he was dressed far too nice for someone holding him captive. 

“So, you’re the protege that Howard is so eager to be rid of,” The man with a hand tangled harshly in his hair said, still gleeful for a reason Tony couldn’t figure out. They knew his father, and they knew his father’s feelings about him so it was a personal relation. Howard didn’t let many people know just how much of a failure he saw Tony as, just in case his son really did take over his prized company. “You’re much prettier than Howard made you out to be at least.”

“Considering the only thing my father considers pretty are his paychecks that’s hardly surprising,” Tony couldn’t help the usual snark from escaping, even if it was probably the worst choice at the moment. 

“We’re going to have so much fun this summer, pet,” The man said with a hand stroking over his face. “Breaking that spirit of yours will be so satisfying. It’s going to be the highlight of my life. Your father wants you broken, and I aim to please.”

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to fight against the fear rising by the second. HIs father had told these men to take him like this. To blindside him and chain him up in some basement for the summer. He wasn’t a stranger to the fact that his father wasn’t exactly warm, but this was a whole new level of cold. Howard didn’t simply not love him, he hated him on a level Tony had never seen. 

“I’ll see you a bit later pet,” The man let go of his hair and Tony collapsed to the floor in a heap from the drugs lingering in his system and the shock of realizing this was allowed to happen. Nobody would come looking for him here. There was no hope of rescue and he had no idea exactly how long he would be putting up with sitting on a cold cement floor. 

He would never admit to crying himself to sleep, but that’s exactly what he did when the door clicked shut and he was left in the darkness. 

~~~

Spoiled was a word Tony heard often growing up, even among the richest part of society. He may have gone to prestigious boarding school, but he was still relentlessly mocked for being a spoiled brat. Tony had everything at his fingertips he could possibly want, except for the cliche of love and belonging. Needless to say that starvation was definitely a new feeling for him. 

He had no idea how long it had been since he had eaten. He had surpassed starving and then his stomach had given up for awhile before the true hunger pains set in. It ached fiercely and he had no way of focusing on anything other than the pain. He sat in the dark unless it was to see the face of his captor. He hadn’t been given clothes the whole time he was here and had yet to see a bathroom. He was cold and filthy and felt horribly sick from lack of food or fresh air or warmth. He had never been this miserable and it was then that Tony realized how spoiled he really had been. 

He cried out as he tried to shift positions and the metal cuff cut into his ankle which was already raw when he had spent a few hours trying to yank his foot out of it. He distantly remembered watching a horror movie where the protagonist had cut off his foot to get out of cuffs like these, but Tony knew there was no way he had the stomach to do that even if he had the tools around here somewhere. He leaned against the wall with his leg bent at an odd angle and leaned his head back for some relief from the floor. He couldn’t deny that he was still pretty terrified of what was going to happen to him. This man had said his father wanted him broken. Tony could admit easily that he was the most miserable he had ever been in his life, but he wasn’t yet broken. 

He let out a whine as the smell of bacon hit his nose in a sudden assault. HIs stomach cramped fiercely at the familiar smell. He wound up quickly back on the floor, curled in a ball and hugging his stomach as if that could stop the pain ripping through him. The only thing that stopped him from dissolving into sobs was the fact that he heard his captor coming down the steps. Lights flicked on and he huddled against the wall to try and protect himself. He watched as the other man sauntered into the room, his vision quickly tunneling to the platter of food he was carrying. There was a pile of pancakes, a few waffles, a platter of fluffy eggs, sausage, and of course the bacon that had tortured him only moments ago. Saliva coated his mouth and he flushed to be seen like some ravenous dog instead of the composed man he had made himself become. 

“Hungry, pet?” The man always called him his pet and Tony didn’t even have the mental energy to be annoyed by it any longer. “I thought after four days you could use some food. We have a long summer to spend together so I can’t have you wasting away. Sit down like a good boy and I’ll feed you.” 

“How about you give me a fork and I can fucking stab you before feeding myself?” Tony retorted with his arms folded defensively. Instantly a shock went through his body that made him scream and hit the floor harshly. He had almost forgotten about the collar around his neck, but now it was obvious what it was for. It didn’t last long, but it was enough to leave his hands trembling. 

“The rules are going to be set into place now that you’re all settled in,” His captor said softly. He hadn’t yet raised his voice and it was almost more unnerving that way. The man slowly stepped forward and squatted next to him. His hands ran over Tony’s hair again and down his face slowly. He shuddered in horror but couldn’t move any further away with the wall behind him. “We’re going to teach you to be submissive above everything else. If you ever want to be any use to anyone it’s an important lesson.” Those hands trailed over his bare shoulders and it hurt so much to move at all. “You will not speak unless spoken to. You will address me as sir or master when you must speak. You belong to me in every single way and you no longer have choices.”

Tony was too shocked and choked up to retort, not to mention he was afraid of the collar going off again. Loud scraping made him wince as the table on the far side of the room was dragged over as well as one chair. He forced himself to stand, even if the dizziness increased tenfold when he did so. It would feel so nice to sit on a chair again after days on a hard floor. He took a step forward to collapse into it when a second shock came through sharper than the first one. Another scream left him and even though it had only lasted seconds he was left panting. 

“You think this chair was for you?” The man mocked harshly as he sat down on the soft cushion. “Pets don’t sit on the furniture. Maybe you aren’t as smart as your daddy made you out to be. I bet he bought your way into MIT. Not that that helped you from becoming a little cocksucker, eh?” 

As much as Tony tried to keep the tears back, a sob broke through his clenched lips as he laid on the floor yet again. He had thought he was long over these taunts, the ones he had heard since he was fifteen stepping onto a campus that threatened to swallow him whole. Hell, his own best friend had probably had some of those thoughts when he saw he was to dorm with Tony Stark. 

“Now, sit up with your legs crossed to be fed,” The order cut harshly across his pitying thoughts and Tony knew he needed food before he starved here. One thing he had decided amidst the hours in the consuming darkness was that he wasn’t going to die like this. Trapped again by his father’s doing. He got into the commanded position and his stomach ached again at the sight of the piece of waffle dripping with rich, thick syrup and the smell of bacon still in the air. He was surprised that his captor didn’t rush him as he savored the first few bites of food. He was surprisingly patient when Tony behaved himself. 

It took less time than he thought before he was so full he felt like he would burst. After the waffles came the eggs and bacon, but when Tony saw that the pancakes and sausage were also intended to be for him the food stopped tasting so good. 

“I’m full,” Tony protested when he was offered another bite. The other man simply smirked and scooted his chair a bit closer. Tony frowned when the fork didn’t lower. “I said I’m full. I can’t eat anymore.”

“I know that spoiled little boys don’t care about a bit of food going to waste,” His tone was mocking again and he hooked a hand around the back of Tony’s neck to hold him in place. “Most of us were taught, however, to finish our plates. You will finish the food I made for you like a good boy.”

“You made enough for an army!” Tony pointed out with a frown. He squirmed again and tried to get away from the food that was now making him feel sick. The fork was forced between his lips, the fork roughly scraping the roof of his mouth with the force of being fed. He gagged instinctively and tried to spit it out, but a hand grabbed his jaw and forced his head back so that he couldn’t spit the food out. He panicked and started to struggle away from his captor, but the chain around his ankle wasn’t very long and soon it was cutting into his skin again and he couldn’t move. He eyed the stack of pancakes left in horror along with the links of sausage that once looked delicious, but now only looked like a pile of grease that made him queasy to look at. 

“There’s nowhere for you to go pet,” Astonishingly his captor wore a smile as he watched him struggle and it sent a shiver down his spine. He whimpered softly as he still tried to get as far away from the man as possible. The cement hurt the skin of his ass and back as he tried to frantically practically climb the walls. “The longer you wait to eat this, the more disgusting it will be. Come back over here like a good boy and finish your breakfast. Do I need to shock you?”

“Let me go!” Tony screamed, finally giving into the fear that had settled in days ago. This moment was when he realized how deranged this man was and that he was never getting out of here in one piece. His stomach rolled unpleasantly and he fought a gag that rose up his throat. 

“If you throw up the precious food I made you I can assure you I’ll just make you eat it again, partially digested or not.” The tone was no longer that sickly sweet and got noticeably colder as even steps made their way over to him. 

“You’re such a sick fuck,” Tony choked out as the waves of tears grew stronger. “I hope you rot in the lowest part of hell. I will never break to someone like you I promise.” 

“You won’t even be recognizable when I’m done with you.” The man promised in return, hand tangling in his hair again and dragging him back over to the table. Tony sobbed lowly, though it made no difference as food was again forced down his throat, now cold and stiff instead of warm and fluffy. He was forced to eat every last bit of food, and then his face was shoved in the syrup leftover while he was told to lick the plate clean. His captor didn’t leave him for hours to make sure the food stayed down even though this pain was nearly as bad as it was when he was starving. He had never had a large appetite to start off with and this was three times the amount of food he had ever eaten in his life. 

How would he last the summer if this was only the first five days?

~~~~

The pattern of food was repeated ever since the first occurence. He would be starved for days at a time before a feast was shoved upon him to make him hurt just as much, if not worse. Now Tony only made it a few bites before his body panicked and fought against every bite he was forced to swallow. He started to loathe the sight of any kind of food. 

While his feeding schedule stayed the same, everything else had changed.

Tony was now hosed down every other day with water so that he wouldn’t smell as badly when his master came to visit. He had a cough that seemed to last forever from the lack of being dry very long, or warm at any point. Rules were enforced as promised, and there were more every day. Either that or his memory was just failing him miserably and he forgot the rules as quickly as Master could make them. 

The rules were as follows; He was not allowed to speak unless spoken to. He was not allowed to make eye contact with his master. He was not allowed to cry, though that rule was an old one since Tony had been young. He was to stay on his knees or lower when master was in the room. He was not allowed to flinch away from touch his master gave him. He was to be grateful for everything he was given and if he showed signs of ungratefulness he was punished severely. 

He was shocked daily, longer and longer each time. HIs hands were constantly shaking now with tremors. He was slapped on occasion and his hair pulled, but the shocks were definitely the favored form of punishment. Tony got the feeling there weren’t supposed to be visible marks left on him for afterward. In some ways the thought of after was more painful than dealing with the present. How was he supposed to go back out there in the world? Back to having a backbone and facing people that were constantly judging him and trying to undermine whatever he did. What about facing his friends? Facing Steve again after what had happened to him? 

Steve would never want him after this. Not this broken and timid instead of bold and brash like he was used to. Tony Stark had a quip for everything, and he had no idea how he was going to go back. 

It went on for a few weeks like this and halfway through the summer things took a turn for a horrific worse. His master had visited earlier that day so Tony assumed he was safe until the next round of horrors which always seemed to be a new day since Master changed his clothes. He was trying to force himself to get some sleep even though he felt sick from being fed earlier. He always felt better after a few hours of what passed for rest now and he let himself dream of days when things were good. When he didn’t have to think about his family or obligations. He dreamed of meeting Steve and discovering each and every thing about him over the years. Of falling in love in the privacy of his own heart and mind before he had let himself be too obvious and it had been ruined. He thought of Rhodey’s sarcasm and wit to match his own and the way he was always there for him. He thought of lazy Saturdays in his college apartment when neither of them got dressed and watched movies the entire day to relax from their long week. He let himself dream and maybe have a slimmer of hope that things could go back that way before too long. 

He was just starting to drift off when he heard the door creak open and a cell phone light lit the floor across the room. Tony tensed and really thought he was done being afraid by now. Slippers shuffled across the cold floor as his master was completely silent. A blanket was laid out on the floor and throw pillows tossed around. The next step was a few candles placed around the blanket to cast a dim light around the room. It would have been romantic in an entirely different time and setting. 

“Tony,” Master spoke softly, blonde hair glinting in the light and as usual it made Tony’s heart clench. His build and hair reminded him so much of his Steve, but after that the resemblances ended and it broke his heart. “You’re a beautiful man Tony, and I think after being a good boy it’s time for you to have some pleasure hm?”

Tony wasn’t breathing as his brain kicked into overdrive and he put the pieces together to form a new nightmare. Master couldn’t want him to…. He would never touch Tony that way. He despised Tony so why would he bother? He very obviously didn’t like homosexuals as made obvious by the slurs made over the weeks here. This made no sense and fear gripped his heart in a vice. He stared at his hands as the shuffling steps came closer and Tony saw now that his master wore nothing more than a luxurious black robe. Master knelt down and he heard the click of a lock as his ankle was free for the first time since he had arrived here unconcious. He knew that ankle was too weak to stand on so running wouldn’t be an option. He was lifted in the air without a warning and he squeaked in surprise and found himself shaking slightly when he was laid down on the blanket. He wanted to be grateful for the warmth and the soft material against his sore skin, but he was honestly too afraid. 

“Can you continue to be good for me Tony?” Master asked softly as the robe fell to the floor and bare feet stepped onto the blanket next to him. “I have a syringe with me to make you be still for me, but I don’t want to use it understand? I want this to be good for you since you’ve obeyed the rules so well.”

“I don’t…” Tony started to say, but afraid of being shocked. He curled up with his knees pressed to his chest and his arms wrapped around himself tightly. 

“I know you like men Tony, and while I think it’s disgusting you must have a tight ass, hm? Your father separated you from that Rogers kid before you got to satisfy your urges. I know you’ll like this. Aren’t I kind to stoop down to your level?” Master stroked his cheek softly and Tony forced himself to stay still instead of jerking away. 

“Yes Master,” Tony replied with a shaking voice, trying to keep his mind blank as possible. “Thank you Master.”

“I think your father will be so pleased with our progress,” Master continued to stroke his skin and coaxed him from his curled up position. “You might prove useful to him yet. He needs a pretty face for the press Tony, and you are nothing if not a very pretty face.” Pale hands trailed down his chest and over his too thin stomach. Breathing was more difficult and he tried to resume his curled up position but Master’s knees blocked him and kept him somewhat sprawled out over the blanket. A hand wrapped around his cock and Tony’s whole body jerked in shock at the first pleasurable touch registered to his brain after weeks of being touch starved. He whined low in his throat and tried to scoot away from his master without causing a punishment. 

God, this was meant to be a reward.

“Tony, relax,” Master said softly as he started to stroke him. Tony whined again as his body shook from fear. He was a virgin, and he had always wanted it to be Steve for his first. Even though Steve never knew how he really felt until he was heading on a plane to Haiti Tony had wanted it to be him. He had avoided dating all through college to wait for the man he wanted, and now that choice was taken away. 

Despite feeling sick to his stomach at the man touching him his body started to respond. He felt his cock harden and his hips were jerking into the touch. Tony gasped and gripped onto his master’s neck as his body took control of itself for the time being. 

“So responsive for me pet,” Master murmured to him, his other hand going around to cup Tony’s ass and pull him closer. Tony whined again and felt tears rise to burn at the back of his eyes. 

“Please,” Tony begged even though he knew it would fall to deaf ears. “Please don’t do this. I’m… I’m a virgin.” 

“Did you want your first to be that Rogers kid?” Master mocked him as his strokes became firmer and Tony was pressed against him fully now. “Pet, you deserve so much better than that. You just keep being a good boy and you’ll enjoy this so much. You can take a big cock up your ass like you’ve always wanted. “

“No,” Tony sobbed and knew that if there was one last time to fight it was now. He couldn’t just let this happen even if his body was enjoying the attention. He had to fight for this to belong to him and him alone. He pushed against Master’s chest, but the lack of food and sleep left him weak and he was only pressed fully down onto the blanket with Master draped over him. His leg was brought up over one shoulder as fingers probed over his hole. 

“Stop!” Tony started to squirm and struggle as he realized this was about to happen without any kind of consent and he knew he would never be the same after this. He knew this would break him like his father wanted. A shock hit him from the collar, just enough to act as a warning and it made Tony still once again. 

“I was going to even give you lube,” Master sneered as he tangled a hand in Tony’s unkempt hair. “You always have to ruin a good thing, don’t you? I’m gonna make you scream for me tonight, and I won’t stop until I do.”

After a few moments of struggle Master brought those fingers up to his lips and pushed them inside his mouth. Tony had no idea the purpose of this undil Master hissed into his ear. “These are going into your ass Stark if I have to split you open to do it. I suggest you put your tongue to its only good use.”

Tony did his best to obey, but he knew this was going to hurt either way. He turned his head to the side and had no choice but to let it happen. He was too weak to fight and that shock collar still kept him in line whether he wanted to be or not. He felt tears slide down his cheeks and it turned out screaming wasn’t a problem for him as the proceedings occurred and his last innocence was stolen from him. He was truly his master’s property now, and this was only halfway into the summer. Tony had no hope of surviving this in one piece mentally. 

He was left back in his usual corner with his ankle chained back up and the only small mercy was he got to keep the blanket. 

~~~~

The days melted together and now Tony would have no idea of any kind of schedule. Food was brought randomly, as well as their new past time activity together. He was cleaned daily now, but it was done roughly and the water was still lukewarm at best. He still wasn’t given any clothing or any privilege to use the bathroom. He was used when he was wanted, and tossed back in the corner when he wasn’t. Sexual abuse was apart of daily life now, and for a man who claimed he was so above that sort of thing Master had no problem bending him over when the mood struck him. 

Tony truly had no fight left in him so when new men entered his room he had never seen he didn’t even have it in him to be afraid anymore. It no longer mattered what they did to him. He was never getting the life he used to have back. These men didn’t speak as they grabbed him roughly and shoved old, musty clothes on him. He was unchained from the pipe for the second time since arriving and Tony simply laid there in submission. He didn’t want to be shocked again since his hands trembled constantly as it was. He also had random nerve flares where the nerves in his fingers and toes would ignite and prickle to make him wince in pain. He knew many more rounds with that collar would prove to have worse and more permanent side effects. 

The collar being removed piqued his interest a little as it was clattered to the floor away from him. They hauled him to his feet and he cried out as weight was put on his weak legs for the first time in months. His knees shook horribly and if it wasn’t for his upper arm being in a bruising hold by one of the mystery men he would have face planted against the floor again. When they half dragged him towards the door Tony had to wonder if the summer was over already. It seemed warm to be September, but maybe he just hadn’t been outside in so long. Before he could leave the basement a blindfold was tied over his eyes tightly as well as another cloth shoved as a gag into his mouth. Tony made a noise of displeasure, but he finally had hope that maybe it was over. He knew he would never go back to who he was, but he would also be so relieved to be free from here. 

He was hauled into the back of a car of some kind since Tony felt the soft fabric under his cheek when they tossed him in the backseat. He cried from relief that he was out and only dimly held the fear that he was heading somewhere worse. He was away from that sick fuck and he could go back to a life where nobody touched him ever again. The drive was mostly silent and Tony knew they were still in the city by the sounds he heard outside the car. His ears were sensitive to the city noise after weeks of mostly silence except the crooning of Master’s voice and his own sobs. He tried to bury his face further into the seat and dull the noise before his head could start to ache. 

“Get ready to get him the fuck out of here,” The driver said curtly as they took a sharp left turn. He was hauled into a pair of arms and the jostling made him cry out in pain. The car slowed and the click of a door opening was the only warning Tony had before he was tossed from the car and started tumbling down a hill. 

He had the wind knocked out of him almost immediately and he finally stopped in some water of some kind. The smell was nearly as bad as where he was before and Tony squirmed to get his face away from the pungent smell. He panted and tried to get his lungs to start working again. He got his hands under him enough to roll onto his back. He was outside and the smell was absolutely intoxicating to him now. He brought a shaky hand up to push up his blindfold and hissed in pain as bright light assaulted his eyes. He made his arms reach up high enough to untie the gag in his mouth. It took much longer than necessary but eventually he worked the knot free and could gulp in fresh air again. He collapsed back to the ground and stared up at the blue sky even if the brightness made his eyes water. He was used to crying now that he barely noticed when tears started or stopped. 

The shirt he was given was soaked by now and he felt water trickle down his back as he shakily sat up to try and figure out where the hell he was. The road was ahead of him where he had been tossed down onto this ravine. He moved his head slowly and his eyes widened as he realized exactly what building he was in front of. Stark Industries loomed over him and it was close enough to home that Tony started to sob in relief. The minute anyone saw him he would be taken care of and he finally, finally would no longer be alone. He just had to find a way up this damn ravine first. 

Standing was nearly impossible on weak legs and his damaged ankle and he didn’t make it more than a few seconds before collapsing painfully again. He had no idea how he was about to get to help. Nobody really used this front driveway much, and even so these people were so self-involved that they would never look all the way down here. Tony had been guilty of it for nineteen years. He had no idea this ravine was here until he was stuck at the bottom of it in sewer water. He tried to make his brain do some kind of problem solving instead of being blank like it had been for ages now. He fiddled his fingers in the dirt until they hit a pebble. He picked the tiny rock up and rolled it between his fingers, looking at it for a very long moment. 

He smiled a tiny bit when he realized what to do. 

It strained his shoulder horribly each time he threw a light pebble, but eventually he would hit something and someone would look to see why a rock was flying through mid-air. He was going to get himself out the way he always did. Clever problem solving was his specialty and nobody could take that from him.. He finally made himself throw an actual rock and luck was on his side as it hit the side of a car loudly and made the passengers look down at him. He sighed in bliss as the car screeched to a halt and he fell into blissful unconciousness as he knew he was going to be safe at last. 

~~~

The next time Tony woke he was instantly terrified by force of habit. He hadn’t been that deeply asleep since being taken and the way his brain was fuzzy scared him badly. He could hardly move at all and he whined in protest without thinking of the consequences first. He was so used to being alone the majority of the time that he was used to making all the noise he wanted unless Master was in the room. 

“Tony?” A voice called his name and he was confused since he couldn’t remember the last time he had heard his name. Master never called him by his name. He was referred to as pet at all times, even when a cock was inside of him he was no more than a pet. The lights were bright when he opened his eyes and he was instantly blinded and slammed them shut again. He turned his head and tried to bury his face in a….pillow? 

Fear hit him when he realized he wasn’t in the basement any longer and instead he was somewhere new and foreign. He tried to move but his arms felt like lead and a pain in his hand made his eyes shoot open again and through them watering in pain he could see a needle pushed into a vein. He panicked and reached to pull it out before a dark hand covered his own. 

“Tones, hey, it’s alright,” The voice was low and soothing and he immediately cowered down where he was, not wanting the collar to be set off. He hated the collar so much. 

“I’m sorry Master,” Tony whined miserably as he took his hand away and felt his back hit a side rail. Was he in a bed of all things?

“Tony, open your eyes for me,” The voice said and Tony now realized it was deeper than Master’s baritone and he did open his eyes to see a face he could barely hold onto anymore. 

James Rhodes stood over his bed with a gentle hand on his shoulder and the other hovering over the needle in his hand. He was here and Tony wasn’t in the basement any longer. He tried to remember how he had gotten out but whatever was making him so tired also made it impossible to concentrate. 

“Is he awake? Oh thank God,” A lighter voice said as quick footsteps approached him. Tony caught only a glimpse of blonde hair and he curled into himself confused and terrified. If Rhodey was here then wasn’t he free? What was Master doing here? Wasn’t he supposed to never see him again? Wasn’t his torture temporary? 

“He’s confused and terrified, but awake,” Rhodey answered softly and a thumb had started to rub circles into his shoulder. Tony focused on the gentle touch and tried to wrap his mind around what was going on. He peeked over Rhodey’s shoulder and again saw the blonde hair, but then he let himself also see the blue eyes and the face he had memorized years ago. 

His heart started to race against his ribcage as he gazed at Steve’s face for the first time in over a year. He saw that face flooded with tears as his boot clad feet carried him away from Tony through airport security. He had seen that face flushed with excitement over so many carnival nights they shared together and the flush of success when Steve had aced classes. He had seen it angry when anyone dared to mess with Tony in front of him, despite being small for his age and suffering from horrible asthma. 

None of those expressions would stay in his mind like the one Steve wore now. Tears were in his blue eyes as he stepped closer to the hospital bed Tony was lying in. They held a myriad of emotions. Fear, happiness, gratitude, and sorrow battled in those deep blues and Tony felt tears of his own fall down his pale cheeks as he reached a hand out.

“Steve,” Tony said in a small voice, a voice pleading to be close to him after so long and so many nights of dreaming and remembering alike. 

“I’m right here Tony,” Steve said softly. Rhodey moved out of the way with a smile towards the two of them as he mentioned getting the doctor now that he was awake. Steve intertwined their fingers, somehow knowing that was all Tony could handle. Steve was finally here with him and Tony was too exhausted to say more than his name. He leaned his head on Steve’s shoulder and let himself drift half unconscious. He was free of his prison, but what came after? What sort of medication was he on? Why couldn’t he think straight for more than a minute at a time? 

“Tony?” A new voice spoke up and this time Tony’s head snapped around faster than even hearing Steve’s voice. Standing at the end of his bed was Jarvis of all people, and god he was exactly who Tony needed right now. 

Jarvis stood with his hat in his hands and twisting it awkwardly as he look around at Tony’s friends he knew less and less as the years went by and Howard never let them over. He looked the same as ever and he was comfort. Jarvis was home to him and safety, two things that seemed so far away for far too long. He hadn’t really seen much of Jarvis since starting at MIT and Tony had wanted to be home less and less. 

Tony started to really let himself cry in a way he hadn’t since he was a young boy. These weren’t hidden or concealed sobs he suppressed as much as he could. They were loud and desperate cries as he let the hurt and horror sink in. He hurt in every way a person could hurt and now Jarvis was here. The one man who had never ever let him down. He had always been there without question whenever Tony called. He didn’t move, only stared at Jarvis as sobs tore through him and shook his entire body. Rhodey in particular seemed alarmed since he had never seen Tony cry like this in the four years they had known one another. Tony had taken to anger if he was upset these last few years instead of tears. 

Jarvis looked at him for only a moment before reading his mind like nine years hadn’t gone by since he last lived under the same roof as the butler. Instead of being careful or wary Jarvis climbed in next to him on the bed to take him in his arms snugly. His sweater was soft against Tony’s cheek and he cried harder at the feeling of warm arms around him at last. He let Jarvis stroke his hair as he inhaled the peppermint and tobacco smell that always meant safety and nobody else in the world knew meant as such. Nobody else knew their close relationship besides Steve, and Tony knew he was finally completely safe and unquestionably loved. 

“I”ve got you,” Jarvis murmured into his hair as he rocked them slowly. “You’re safe Tony. You’re home with me now. “

“They hurt me,” Tony sobbed the way he did when he was eight years old and some older boys pushed him down and made him skin his palms on some gravel. “They hurt me and I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t like it and I-I… Jarvis, I-”

“Shh, I know sweetheart,” Jarvis told him softly as Tony started to ramble and his breathing quickened. He was close to a panic attack that was weeks in coming. Jarvis continued to hold him and hum softly so that Tony had something else to focus on besides the nightmares he couldn’t believe he had really escaped. 

Recovery was here, and it was going to be a long fucking road back.


End file.
